INTRODUCTION

PEOPLE
Yano
Romeo Lee
Manny Villar
Nur Misuari
Benjie Paras
Dino Ignacio
Eraserheads
Jerry Barican
Obet Verzola
Jessica Zafra
Zider Lubiano
Myla Algarme
Gary Granada
Raymond Red
Mike Defensor
Jerome Bailen
Eric Altamirano
Amante Jimenez
Miriam Defensor
Malou Mangahas

ISSUES
ID
UAAP
STFAP
US Bases
Collegian
Frat Violence
SAMASA split
SR controversy
Sexual Harassment

Our reaction was of cardio-respiratory trauma accompanied by grotesque facial contortions. To the delight of loitering April Boy admirers, our caterwauling was audible from Philcoa to Istanbul. The urge to propel our editor into orbit seized us like a mad Quiapo policeman having a bad butt day. But uncharacteristically, his ululating made us drop the little freak in utter disgust. What just frigging happened, you ask? Dear reader, if your deficient cerebral hemispheres have still failed to connect the dots despite the ridiculously obvious hints, then we have to aid your mental activity. Yipee! And yipee, indeed, because our assignment was (Enter sound of cackling laughter then fade away)… Jessica Zafra.

Twisted Eminence
Her Royal Twistedness is really into the griping business, almost single-handedly bringing unapologetic, honest-to-goodness yakking to unexplored Philippine frontiers - television, radio and print. She writes a column for Today and hosts a gab show at 103.5 K-lite. She also digs into the latest issues, along with three other hosts, in Points of View, a Studio 23 show.

Her short story, Portents (1991) portended the string of accolades that would giddyap her way. It certainly won her first place in the Palanca Awards. She would snatch two more, but being a self-confessed sore loser, she never mentions the works because, aargh, they were but third-placers. In the ten years of barbecuing bozos, weenies and taxi drivers and having them for dinner, Zafra has published nine edifying books. First came Manananggal Terrorizes Manila and Other Short Stories (1992). Next was the Twisted (1995) series, the latest being The Twisted Menace (1999). Zafra's stupor-inducing voice is also immortalized in a spoken-word album, Twisted's Greatest Hits.

All these with her digestive tract alive, awake, and enthusiastic.

Cradle of Twistedness
A perpetual city denizen, Zafra thrived on the unbelievably nutritive carbon monoxide of Manila air. This probably explains why her nostrils spew out smoke on intense occasions. Immune to carcinogens and yucchy cooties, Zafra chomped fishballs in gradeschool in "St. Theresa's College QC - a great school," precisely because her parents warned her of them germs. No sign yet of cholera, dysentery or whatnot. The Twisted went on to the Philippine Science High School in 1978, spending 90% of her time substituting Vonnegut, F. Scott Fitzgerald and Salinger for Chem and Physics books. Zafra barely passed because of Biology, Physics, consigning a brilliant career in the hard sciences to an early grave. Burnt out and wasted, she rested for a year before moving on to college.

Loading her literary arsenal, she majored in Comparative Literature at UP Diliman in 1983, chomping more fishballs. Geekery actually being the beau ideal for CL, Zafra was home at last.

However, PE would get in the way of graduating. Horror of horrors, Ping-Pong! Zafra took the PEPE (Physical Education Proficiency Examination) like many other hopefuls but flunked it in Ping-Pong. To this day, she has no idea how she could have been a fiasco at the sport. (Why? Oh, why?)

Plot for World Domination
But the Twisted Dominatrix has overrun most degree-holding, conqueror-wannabes of the world, formulating her own world-conquest plan.

"Maids. We have maids all over the world. The leaders of all the nations have maids. At one time I will give the signal for them to stop working, and so the world crashes to a stop." They will force these leaders and honchos to fall on their knees in submission, and, Mwahahaha! The world is ours.

Whether we like it or not, Zafra has captured an entire generation's imagination and many in between. As she herself explained, "I think the reason why they like to quote me is because I say things that everybody agrees with but nobody says because they're too obnoxious."

Right.